What is an enmeshed family?
Enmeshment describes family relationships that lack boundaries such that roles and expectations are confused, parents are overly and inappropriately reliant on their children for support, and children are not allowed to become emotionally independent or separate from their parents.
How do you know if you are enmeshed?
Signs that You May Be in an Enmeshed Relationship
- Emotions become blurred. You find yourself confusing your emotions with the emotions of individual you have a relationship with.
- The cost of individuality feels high. …
- There is a role for you to fill. …
- Your emotional state is other-dependent. …
- It is usually up to you to make things better.
While many families value closeness and intimacy, enmeshment goes beyond the bonds of a close family. Enmeshment may mean a parent centers their actions or emotions on the child(ren) and their successes or mistakes, attempts to know and direct all of the child’s thoughts or feelings, and relies heavily on the child(ren) for emotional support.
Enmeshment can be problematic because it can prevent people from developing a sense of self, engaging in peer relationships, and learning to self-regulate emotions. Children of enmeshed families may also experience diminished distress tolerance and find it difficult to assert themselves later in life.
SIGNS OF ENMESHMENT
In enmeshed families, children may be brought up with the expectation that they will accede to their parents’ wishes and develop the same belief system and ideals. Some children may become a parent’s sole source of emotional support or become the vehicle through which a parent lives out their own unrealized dreams.
Most often, enmeshment occurs between a child and parent and may include the following signs:
- Lack of appropriate privacy between parent and child
- A child being “best friends” with a parent
- A parent confiding secrets to a child
- A parent telling one child that they are the favorite
- One child receiving special privileges from a parent
- A parent being overly involved in their child’s activities or achievements
Children affected by enmeshment may feel like they have to take care of the parent, rather than the other way around. People from enmeshed families may also feel guilty if they spend time away from their family members, and they may face pressure to remain physically close to home and to engage in typical family activities regularly instead of pursuing their own interests.