Forgiveness: It is a Choice and a Process
Apologizing for wrongdoing does not come naturally to all; forgiveness can seem even more unnatural. We have all faced forgiveness, whether we seek it or forgive someone. Forgiveness can mean many different things to different people; ultimately, it is letting go of resentment, anger, and spite, creating peace. It does not always imply necessarily making up with someone, but rather moving forward and letting go of the negative feelings surrounding the action or situation.
Forgiveness can be difficult if your significant other was unfaithful, your boss was unfair, or your friend broke your trust. If you have been wronged consistently and have already been in the place to forgive someone else, repeating it all can feel overwhelming, cyclical, and never-ending. Forgiveness can also be heavy on you if you are awaiting or hoping for forgiveness; maybe you were at fault for breaking a promise, reacting without thinking or hurting someone.
Forgiveness is good for us, mentally, emotionally and physically. When we hold resentment, it can increase our stress, increase our blood pressure, cause depressive symptoms, and increase the possibility of worsening our mental and physical well-being. When we forgive, our physical and mental health benefits include improved self-esteem, a stronger immune system, less stress, healthier relationships, improved heart health, less anxiety, and overall improved mental health.
There are two kinds of forgiveness: decisional forgiveness and emotional forgiveness. When deciding to forgive someone and, emotional forgiveness, it is moving away from the negative and no longer dwelling or holding resentment. When the initial process of forgiveness begins, you must acknowledge what has happened and process your feelings. In other words, it is important to take steps toward decisional forgiveness, to decide if you would like to forgive someone. Emotional forgiveness is more difficult; it takes longer, and feelings can reoccur when remembering the situation, making the same emotions reoccur. Acknowledging and understanding what these emotions are and what they are connected to and processing them can help you emotionally forgive someone.
For more information on forgiveness, Request An Appointment to talk to one of our mental health counselors and Take Your Life Back.
Article by: Valerie Kowalski, LMSW, DBT, CBT, REBT – gatewaysolutions.org